Growing Pains

An Alien To The Status Quo

You wake up…..its a new day, you don’t want to face the day. Because everyday its like you are drowning…..drowning in a sea called depression.

You want to stay in bed but you can’t, the day waits, adulting waits…so you get up and wash your face. You cried yourself to sleep last night, like you do every night.
you practise your smile in the mirror and you face the day.
When you’re asked, how you are, your standard reply is, ‘I am fine.’
Or you speak christianese, hiding the truth behind Christian jargon.
I am blessed and highly favoured brother, praise God
You know the truth will not be welcomed either way. Because in this times when we are all keeping up appearances, not being fine isn’t okay…it isn’t cool.
So you fake your smile and it is convincing. You know you’d win an Oscar for the performance you’re putting on.
You’ve thought about ending it all. There’s a constant voice in your head telling you to. It whispers things like; swallow a packet of razorblades, slit your wrists, take an overdose, hang yourself
But you grit your teeth and go on with a dreary life.
You tried to reach out once. You tried to let a few people in. Your church fellowship. You felt so proud of yourself because you thought you’re finally getting the help you need. And these are fellow soldiers in the army of Christ.
They were well-meaning Christians but they didn’t understand depression nor how a Christian can be depressed.
They said things like: “You just need to have more faith,”
Or “There must be sin in your life, or you wouldn’t feel like this.”
Or even “If you’d pray harder (read the Bible more, have a deeper walk with the Lord), you wouldn’t have this problem.”
You already felt guilty about everything, those words piled on even more guilt.
They flung Bible verses at you. Bible verses that you know by heart and can recite by rote.
It isn’t what you needed. You needed to not feel alone.
So you keep it in. You hold it in and you smile….
If you’re in the thick of the dark and lonely hell that is depression, I wish I could wrap my arms around you and cry with you, because I know how badly you hurt. Come take my hand and know you’re not alone. Email me at I am here for you.

15 thoughts on “Depression…

  1. I know this struggle all too well. I had to self diagnose because my church and family did not know what was wrong with me or how to help me.

    Strength & Hugs Babe <3

      1. Thank you Mable for reading. It wasn’t easy to share but I know someone out there will read it and realise they are not alone on this struggle 🙂

  2. Thank you for writing. You made some good points. I recently started writing about my life dealing with depression. I am light years better so I am trying to reach out and help others. I am so glad that other people are out there too.

  3. I can relate. I even googled “how are you doing answers that don’t lie” because I hate getting asked how I am doing. I have depression. I always am feeling like my soul is being sucked out of me I know no one wants to hear that but I hate lying, and I’m bad at it. I saw on someone else site to say “I’m weathering the storm.” It’s light enough not to make people uncomfortable when you say it and they may brush it off, but If they really want to know it leaves a door open for an actual deep conversation with another human being. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’ll see how it goes. Keep fighting the good fight.

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