I wrote this in April 2020. I wrote this with so much hope that I had finally gotten to acceptance. Two years later, I was diagnosed with Depression and Complicated Grief. To be fair, I went through another significant loss in 2021 that I am still navigating. Today, on the anniversary of one of the worst days of my life, I will bring it back because it’s still as relevant today as it was then.
Grief changes you on a fundamental level.
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Dear me
I love to write. I also hate to write. I want to write. I also don’t want to write. This is the life of a writer.
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Dear Dark skin girl
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In my teens, I watched a movie about a girl who loses her brother in an accident. She goes to a singing camp where she overcomes her stage fright and learns to properly grieve her brother. And everyone hugs at the end.
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I wavered on writing about this. I didn’t want to relive or revisit the pain that I’ve mostly healed from. I didn’t want to go back there. That place is so dark. That place led me to a mental break down that I had to get counselling for. That place is where I heard the voices say that I had no one (even if I do have people) in my corner. I am in a much better place now. I don’t want to go back there.
(more…)You wake up…..its a new day, you don’t want to face the day. Because everyday its like you are drowning…..drowning in a sea called depression.
The things people will do in the name of God. The atrocities people will justify in the name of God. The Knights of the Templar killed in the name of God, jihads have been waged in the name of God. Domination of a whole race has been justified in the name of God. The Spanish Inquisition happened, in the name of God. And you, you stand there, with your belt raised high, ready to strike a weak one, IN THE NAME OF GOD!
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Tonnes of things make me sad, global warming, sexism, tribalism, corruption, kids dying of avoidable things, the Donald’s treatment of women… A lot of sadness.
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