Growing Pains

An Alien To The Status Quo

Dear Future Husband: These Cheesy Things

Dear Future Husband: These Cheesy Things

Dear Future Husband

Is it possible to miss someone you haven’t met? Is it possible to miss something you haven’t experienced?

I miss you. I don’t know you, but I miss you. I miss the smell of you. I miss the essence of who you are. I miss your smile and the little wrinkles around your eyes. I miss your kindness and humour. I miss your warmth and hugs. And I miss your presence. I miss you a lot. And that missing is compounded by love pheromones in the air this time of year.

Dear Future Husband, did you know that I’m a Valentine’s Month baby? My parents were influenced by the pheromones in the air and I was conceived in the month of love. Nine months later, in November, came out of my mother’s womb. The scientist in me postulates that the reason I feel the absence of you so acutely in February is because I was conceived in this month. Maybe, the minute I came to be, I started to search for you.

I also miss you when it rains. There’s something about the rain that reminds me that you’re not next to me. It’s the rhythm of it, dancing on the roof, creating a melody for cuddling. It’s also when the trigger-happy team at UMEME decides to switch off the electricity, claiming faults on lines. I suppose part of the reason I do miss you then is because of UMEME and I’m conflicted as to whether I should say thank you to them.

Dear future husband, do you like cheese? I do not. I’m not lactose intolerant but it’s not something that I actively think about when I get to the craving stage of my cycle. I do, however, like cheesy things. I like cheesy lines, dad jokes and poetry that gives cavities with how sweet and cheesy it is. If you hit me with roses are red, violets are blue type of poetry, I would be cheesing all the way through the day.

I grew up in the in-between of lower middle class and upper lower class, if that makes sense. There was food on the table, a roof over my head, and a family who rallied to make my schooling an easy thing. I didn’t have cheese until I had entered the double digits and I didn’t like it. So, when I say I love cheesy things, I mean, a good cheesy romance book and movie, and a good cheesy poem. You can’t go wrong with those ones.

Dear Future husband… This nothing letter, written on this nothing day is a nothing way for me to say that I wait for you like a wife waiting for her husband to come back from war. I stare out my window, wistfully counting down the days until you will come home for and to me. And when it rains, I bundle myself up, looking for the warmth that I know I will only find with you. So, where are you?

Dear Future Husband, you won’t complete me because I’m not half a heart waiting for my soul mate. You will be an addition to make this life even more interesting. I know that each day without you brings me closer to life with you. But that doesn’t stop me from missing the idea of you, especially on a day like today that is making the air heavy with love ❤️. Or lust. I mean, it could be either one.

I’m not a big believer in Valentine’s Day. It’s too commercialised for my liking. And its roots are sketchy. But I do love to see all the people celebrate their love and their personal persons. I won’t be one of those people. I will probably make fun of you on this day. And when I do, go back to this letter and read about how much I miss you even before I know you.

I will reiterate, don’t buy me flowers. They are too basic. If you want to, build me a garden of flowers. Don’t buy me chocolates on this day alone. Buy me chocolates when I’m being sweet, which, let’s face it, is everyday. Don’t buy me underwear, too cliché. Write me a letter and tell me your love for me will end when Lake Victoria dries. Tell me that I’m the only bean in your soup and the only fly in your loo. Tell me that I hold your heart in mine so that’s why you call me yours. Tell me all the cheesy things and have me cheesing. And celebrate me on more than just this day. And I will reciprocate tenfold.

Happy Valentine’s Day Future Husband… I hope you are enjoying this year’s Men’s Conference. I hope pray that you’re not spending with someone who is not me.

With much of this cheesy Love,

Your Future Life

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