This one is about me…
In 1998, Jackie Chan’s Who am I? was released. In it, Jackie Chan’s character loses his memory in an accident in the jungles of Africa (because why not). When he wakes up, he is asked by the locals what his name is and because he doesn’t know who he is he asks back, “who am I?” The locals start to call him Who am I? (Pronounced Uwema)
This movie came to mind when I saw the prompt for today. He was an amnesiac that spent the rest of the movie trying to figure out who he was while dodging some dodgy characters. It was a pretty great movie for it’s time. I watched it for the action scenes, what can I say, I was a preteen tomboy who fancied herself a ninja. I digress.
So the issue at hand is the prompt for today and why I remembered that movie. The question, who am I? I often wonder about that question, who am I? Am I what I say I am? Am I what the world says I am? Am I my dreams and hopes? Am I who my Creator says I am? Am I what my skin colour says I am? (Say loud, say it clear, I am black and I am proud!) Am I the sum total of my past experiences? Who am I? The answer to this, is complicated. It should be simple but it’s not. There are too many conflicting voices in my head telling me who I am.
Another question is; where do I come from? This one is fairly easy to answer. It also has hand in informing who I am as a person today. This question is probably the one I should have answered from the start but my mind went on a tangent once I remembered that darn movie. So, where do I come from?
To answer this question, I am a reluctant Ugandan and a proud Itesot. I claim reluctance because I am not proud of what my country has become. The systemic tribalism has me wondering what would have happened if each tribe had been left to create a country of its own. I claim pride in my tribe and ethnicity because they made me. And because we are pretty cool people. Ask any Ugandan and they’ll tell you Itesots are cool.
My name, Mable, means friendly. My native name, Amuron, means doctor. I had hoped that I would honor my name and become a doctor, alas, life had different plans.
In case my future spouse is reading, and I hope he is, I come from good stock. My family is welcoming and he (the future space) won’t bear the burden of an overbearing mother-in-law because my mother is awesome. My father will put him through his paces, as any father would.
I have known pain, pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. The pain of losing my parents. I have known the pain of losing a sister. Still to this day, I feel like I lost a vital part of myself, a limb that still feels that phantom pain. I have loved and I have lost. I have known heartbreak, the kind that shatters a heart and for a long time my heart was held together by God’s glue and ice cream. It took a lot of tears, a lot of learning to love myself from a place of self loathing and a lot of leaning on God to come out on the other end.
My past, the pain I’ve felt, the joy, the love and the sum total of my experiences are all packaged up into the
messy person you see today. Who am l? I am a follower of Christ. I am a daughter to the best parents an orphan could ever ask for. I am a sister to many and still counting. I am a future wife to some guy who probably has no idea how good he’ll have it. I am a person who loves books, loves the lessons, loves the creativity of books. I am a person who enjoys to create. I am a friend. I am a dread head. I horde socks (seriously, it’s a problem) and I love tea.
I am a person who is daily discovering her worth. I struggle with self love. I have known depression, the depths of which staggered me. I have known sadness and happiness. I have been jealous and envious. I have fought addictions. I am teacher. I have smiled through tears. I am complicated and I am simple. I am Mable.
The other question that comes to mind is why am I? Excuse me while I go have an existential crisis…
Until tomorrow lovelies.