I wavered on writing about this. I didn’t want to relive or revisit the pain that I’ve mostly healed from. I didn’t want to go back there. That place is so dark. That place led me to a mental break down that I had to get counselling for. That place is where I heard the voices say that I had no one (even if I do have people) in my corner. I am in a much better place now. I don’t want to go back there.
I wrote about the five stages of grief a while back in a post that is pinned to my Twitter page. The post was about the loss of my 22 year old sister. I wrote a letter to my best friend, Alex, who is the reason Growing Pains exists. I wrote about losing my birth mother. And each time, it didn’t get easier. You would think that since you’ve known death before and you know Christ, it would make it easier to deal with. You would be wrong.
So, here’s a poem that I wrote at the end of last year but I felt I couldn’t share… Maybe because now is the best time to share it.
We fight for life.
We trudge on.
Swept up and drowning in a sea of hope mixed in pain.
Lifting ourselves when pain is all we know.
Hoping for a respite from the darkness we know
Our smiles are bright
To fit in a world that doesn’t recognize our hurt
But still inside we hope to be seen
We hope to be healed
We hope to be better
We hope to stop hiding
We hope to let go of the baggage
We hope to walk upright without the emotional limps.
Still, we hope.