Oh hello there
Welcome to my home. Come in, come in. Leave your shoes at the door please, I won’t have you tracking dirt in my immaculate house. Why yes, it is an immaculate house, don’t you think so?
You think so?
Do you know that these floors are made from the best cedar wood. I had them imported. Couldn’t find any wood floors in this god-forsaken country. Only tiles and tiles are too cheap. I wanted the best for me because I am the best.
I am rambling. I apologize. Would you like something to drink? A soda, water, tea? Or maybe something stronger… Wine, vodka, Uganda Waragi?
You laugh now but some people’s tastes can be very simplistic, they don’t have the taste for the finer things. Like this guy I was seeing once. He didn’t appreciate the difference between Four Cousins and a Chateau Margaux 1787. I mean, how could Four Cousins be comparable to the Château!?
So what do you want? A water? Sparkling? Okay, I’ll get that for you.
Why isn’t my staff around?
Well, I wanted to have this time alone with you and the staff get in the way. Madam this, madam that… It can get a bit much. So, sometimes, like today, I send them away, so I can have this time with my visitors without them hovering over me, over us.
So, tell me about you… Your profile didn’t say anything.
Ah, you’re a finance guy! I always thought you guys were stiff but you look fun. You look like you can handle yourself in a fight.
You can? Good. I like that in a man.
What do I do? Well, I do a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I have my fingers in a lot of matooke pies.
Of course that’s not how they say it, but I’m… Unconventional. I break rules and make them.
You can see that? Of course you can. I mean, look at me. I am the best.
I didn’t tell you what I do? Well, you could call me a collector of sorts. I collect things. Trinkets really. How do I do this? Well, let me tell you something about me. Some things you can already see. I am beautiful.
Uh huh, yes, you can see how beautiful I am. Of course you can. I mean, look at me. I’m gorgeous! Now that you’ve seen me, I will be the thing you think about today when you go to bed and the thing on your mind when you wake up in the morning.
I will be the thing you think about when you are running your errands. You’ll want a taste of me. A small morsel will not be enough. On a bad day, I am exquisite… Now, just imagine me on a good day.
Would you like me to show you my collection? Yes… Yes, let me do that… Follow me.
Men. You men are easy. A flash of a smile here. A flash of a leg there and I have them eating out of the palm of my hand. Remember Cleopatra? Yes, the Egyptian Queen.
She was what you would call compelling. She’s remembered as a temptress. She was beautiful, sure. I mean, she’s remembered for all the men she slept with, but she was also intelligent. Do you know that she spoke a dozen languages? She was a brilliant military strategist. She did amazing… Of course she did kill a few of her siblings, some of whom were her spouses, but she was brilliant.
Why am I telling you about her? Well, she and I are kindred spirits of some sort. She was a goddess, I am a goddess. My name is Cleopatra, and, well, so was hers. She was a collector of hearts and so am I.
Look at all these jars. This is my collection. I collect hearts. Sometimes, you simpering idiots give them to me before I ask for them because you want to appease me. Other times, it’s simple really, I take the heart and add it to my collection. So, what’s it going to be, finance boy? Are you giving me your heart? Or will I just take it?
I wanted to try something new with this one. I don’t know how good it came out but I did enjoy writing it.
This post was inspired by a good friend who is a collector of hearts and who is so beautiful, the sun is envious of her. This one is for you Ritah.