By Tikia Joella
Isn’t love a beautiful thing?
I am a Christian girl and so my pedestal for true love has always been based on what I have experienced in the hands of my Heavenly Father. What I have been served by humans over the years is far different from what I imagine, and still believe, love is and can be. My idea of love seemed far-fetched and unrealistic after all the unmet expectations. I wondered if I was wrong for wanting something like what I have received from my Father’s house. So I compromised.
I was patient with the cheating, it didn’t stop. I left. I accepted to date him before knowing what the vision was, it never came so I left. I washed his clothes, cleaned his house, respected him, and he still stepped out on me. I left.
I gave them my body and they still didn’t love me back. At least not in the way I expected. Why would someone who claims they love you hurt you? But even with all the heartbreak, my cup never fully run dry because my Father never left. Through the deepest darkest valleys He stuck by me. Wiping away my tears. Filling my cup with His unconditional love.
I kept looking for this kind of love. Along the way, I thought I found him. But the fail was epic. I ended up a single mum. It dawned on me then that stepping out of the will of God was a wrong idea. No amount of compromise would ever give me the love that I deserve.
I allowed myself to be treated like trash because I believed unconditional love meant, ‘be foolish’. I thought the same love God showed me, I could get the same with the world.
And indeed the word says to love even our enemies. What I didn’t know then was that while love is a command, association is not. I didn’t have the wisdom to know that I could still love someone and not have to compromise my values.
I mean, God loves me with my flaws but I’ve never seen Him change who He is just so I can get what I want when I want it. For example, I have been asking God to give me miracle money for years. He has but it’s just never been the actual amount I want. Just 100 million dollars. I know that’s nothing compared to what He has. But God has principles and until I follow them, I’m very sure that I’m not going to see that 100 million. He is a hard nut to crack. He loves me enough to know that I would probably spend that money in very many unconventional ways, like buying nice shoes.
With all my experience, I have learned that love is far from being foolish, drunk, or stupid. I mean the stupid of forgetting who you are to accommodate another person. The stupid of spending your money on the one you love is allowed. Spend responsibly though.
To love and be with someone is a decision you make after seeing that this person fits in your adult checklist. That checklist one makes after they have outgrown the, I want a tall man, dark-skinned, with a six pack, drives a Range Rover, has a rolex watch. I mean The list that puts spirituality at the top. Are they kind and gentle? Can they control the sexual energy when you find yourselves in a compromising situation before marriage? (The solution in such scenarios is to run does he run away when the chemistry is at 100°C?)
I have always had expectations and placed them in the wrong hands. A human boy without God will embarrass you. So, after being through ups and downs, I have found myself and now I’m able to make the right compromises.
My idea of love is: patient, kind, gentle, peaceful, generous, faithful, righteous and awareness of self. My ideal man is one that loves the Lord. A man that loves God will know exactly how to treat me because he has the same experience as I do and I’m sure we both will not be willing to settle for less than what our Father has shown us.
Dear God, I still want the tall, dark-skinned beautiful man who loves you like you love me. You have been accused of giving the wrong the package but I trust you. Okay bye. Don’t forget the eight-figure bank account.
Tikia Joella is an amazing writer, podcaster, mother, and brand strategist. I have found that she is open, amazingly beautiful and her smile lights up the room. You can read more of her work on her website, https://tikiawithgrace.com.