Quite honestly, this is an extremely loaded question. I can’t definitively say that I’m afraid of just one thing. Fear doesn’t come neatly packaged; it arrives in layers, in waves, in quiet moments and loud headlines.
There’s a lot to fear in this world. Accidents that happen in the blink of an eye, invisible threats like anthrax attacks and avian flu, swine flu, plane crashes, global warming, terrorism, ISIS, the political chaos of a Trump presidency, and the ever-looming possibility of the end of the world as we know it. The news alone is enough to keep anyone in a constant state of low-grade panic if they let it.
But when I strip away the noise, the scrolling headlines, and the dramatic “what ifs,” I realize that what I fear most is something far quieter and far closer to home.
I am a creature of habit. Routine is my comfort zone, my safety net, my anchor. So naturally, I’d say that I’m most afraid of change. The uncertainty of what lies ahead, the unfamiliar paths, the possibility of losing what I’ve grown accustomed to—it’s unsettling.
And yet… here’s the plot twist.
I also love a good challenge. I thrive when I’m pushed, when I’m tested, when I’m forced to grow beyond the edges of my comfort zone. So even when change scares me, I don’t stop. I push forward anyway. I move through the fear, head down, stubborn heart first. Which, in effect, cancels out my fear of change entirely.
Damn.
Like everyone else, I’m also afraid of loss. I fear losing my family, what remains of it, at least. My sister. The other three families who have taken me in, claimed me as their own, and loved me without obligation. Chosen family is a powerful thing, and the thought of losing that kind of love is terrifying.
But more than losing them, I fear disappointing them.
That fear sits heavy. The idea that I might fall short of their expectations, that I might let them down, that I might not live up to the faith they’ve placed in me, this is what I fear most. Not failure itself, but the possibility that my failure could hurt the people who matter most.
And then there’s the fear of not being enough.
Inadequacy. The quiet, nagging voice that asks if you measure up. I believe this is a fear we all face at one point or another, no matter how confident we appear on the outside. The fear of not being good enough, smart enough, brave enough, pretty enough, strong enough.
The fear of not being enough for that one special someone.
Why, I do believe I’ve just cracked the impossible mathematical equation explaining why Mable is still single. Yay me.
So there it is. Fear in all its messy, contradictory, very human forms. I fear change, yet chase it. I fear loss, yet love deeply. I fear inadequacy, yet keep showing up.
Okay folks, that’s it for Day 6. Twenty-four more days to go.
Aluta Continua!!
We have the same fears Babe. I wrote my list the other day, I should post it.
You should! 🙂
1: i fear falling short of God’s glory *most*