This is why I haven’t been writing…

A couple of weeks back, a beautiful person approached me and told me that she enjoyed my writing and my blog. I was so amazed by the words she spoke, words that encouraged and inspired me. So this blog post is for Loretta; thank you awesome human.

It actually still amazes me that people read what I write and that I have fans. That there’s someone out there refreshing their browser to see if I have posted something. That there’s a human being that misses my writing. It’s a concept I haven’t fully grasped because, why? Why amuron.com? (If you could reply in the comments about the why, I’d be eternally grateful.)

Before Loretta said what she said to me, the thought of letting my blog go dormant had crossed my mind more than once. I failed to see the point of why I should go on. In March, I decided to take a bit of a sabbatical from posting anything on here. Life was pulling me in a hundred different directions and I couldn’t afford the time that was needed to write for myself.

The sabbatical was supposed to last just one month but it stretched to May. On top of time, I just didn’t have the drive anymore. And it didn’t help that every single time I opened my computer to write, I’d be confronted by the daunting blinking cursor. No words spilled out. And if they did, they weren’t to my standard…..of anything. The pieces weren’t things I wanted to share with the world. I’d delete and redo and delete and then end up with the blinking cursor taunting me once more.

One of the things I do for money is write. During these last three months, it was much easier for me to write for work than it was to write for myself. At least with work, it was structured; I am handed a topic, I research it and then write a report of sorts. Writing for myself and for my blog was damn near impossible in this period.

I was blocked and being blocked is not the best feeling in the world. It’s quite literally the pits. It’s like knowing you have a destination to get to, seeing the destination, and being unable to get there. It’s a hinderance that makes you so unsure of yourself and your gift. That overwhelming feeling of unworthiness is why I thought I shouldn’t go ahead with the blog. Thanks once again to Loretta for those encouraging words, I felt worthy of this space of the internet again.

When I considered my comeback, I figured that the best time would be during the Afrobloggers’ WinterABC2021. So, here I am, writing again, sharing again, pledging to be more consistent again. I imagine it won’t be easy, in fact, it’s going to be so hard. The life that was pulling me in a hundred different directions in March now feels like it is pulling me in a thousand directions. My work-life balance is totally non-existent. But I’m inspired and I am present and we are going to climb this mountain of a challenge one day at a time.

Today is Day One of week one. Let’s do this!