Guest Post: Another Christian Boy

By Martha Magero

You must know the Christian boy. He’s the one that opens doors for you. He smiles at you like you are a long-lost lover. He offers to pay for your transport after he has walked you to your taxi stage. Yes, he’s so nice. No, he doesn’t like you. He’s just being Christian. Somehow, he isn’t aware of what he is doing to you. Also, he’s treating everyone the same way he treats you. Like a community boyfriend.

I was at the peak of my crush on Kasumba when I realized he didn’t like me at all. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t deluded. We had gone on a date once and it had been followed by all these ‘Christian’ things he would do for me.

Firstly, he used to call me to discuss the book of Romans. I know that doesn’t sound romantic, but he would call between 9:00PM and midnight for this discussion. Nothing screams romance like a call received at that time.

Secondly, there was that time he sat next to me during service. I thought I would die of happiness that day because everyone thought we were dating. Thirdly…wait, that’s all he ever did. Everything else was all me.

I used to call to check on him. He would never pick my calls. I would offer to take him around town. He said he would love for me to take him. It never happened. There was that time he suggested we meet after church. Obviously, I was elated. Finally, our love story was beginning. It didn’t begin, in its stead, a deep resentment was born. He made me wait close to two hours that day. Yes, I stupidly stayed, for love.

When he showed up, he was surprised to see me. The brother had forgotten the plan we had made the previous day. Then he had the nerve to tell me we couldn’t meet because he had been fasting. Fasting?! Who cares about fasting? I resolved to forget him that day. Well, that was until he gave me one of his dashing smiles. That alone gave me enough bricks to rebuild our relationship.

As you might have guessed by now, it ended in tears. My world came crashing down when I heard that he was sort of seeing this girl. So, what were we doing? I wanted to ask. Why were we making plans that he wasn’t planning on seeing through? Why was he calling me at ungodly hours? Why didn’t he give us a chance? 

I would like to believe that I was in a better place when I took him out to eat. It was possible that I had some remaining hope. Hope I didn’t know I had. After all, he hadn’t made any public announcement about being off the shelf.

The ambient café, coupled with the warm light, set a perfect stage for our romantic scene. Again, finally, our love story was beginning. However, he didn’t wait for my seat to get warm before he plunged a knife into my chest. He had a girlfriend. In fact, he talked about her all throughout our date. He told me about their love story while eating food I had paid for.

So, I did what any reasonable person would do in that situation. I laughed. I laughed as I congratulated him. I laughed as I painfully paid for our meals. I could have spent that money on rolexes. I laughed all through my Safe Boda ride. I laughed as I showered away my pain. I think I cried too but I don’t remember this. I think I laughed as I slept. If I hadn’t laughed, then I would have cried.

Eons later, I found peace and yet another Christian boy (Another tragedy that I’ll tell you all about when I’ve got the time). Kasumba, on a bright sunny day, married his girlfriend. The ceremony was sweet. I smiled and laughed as I watched their wedding video. This time, I was truly happy for them. He was her problem now. Forever.

I want to make it known that Martha Magero is an awesome writer, on top of being a whole Engineer. I asked Martha to write something for the blog and she came through. Every single Christian girl knows this Christian boy. They are the kings of mixed signals. I’m glad Martha was vulnerable enough to share this and I hope she will be back to tell us the story of the other Christian Boy. Thank you Martha.