He’s been called many names over the centuries; the grim reaper, walumbe, Angel of death, Hades and so many more and today He/she/it chose to sit down with me for an interview…….ME!!! Like whaaaaaaaaat! Ignore my squeaky voice, shaking voice and the very suspect wet patch on my jeans.
Here goes nothing…
ME: Urhm, so, before we start this, I just have to say, I don’t want to die…..I’m still so young, I have a lot of life to live, I haven’t even had kids yet…please, wait what are you doing? Are you laughing? I’m not just seeing things, your bony shoulders are shaking, why are you laughing?
DEATH: HAHAHAHAHA, I chose well for this interview. You are quite funny. Don’t worry Mable, your death date is quite far from now… Wait let me be sure. (He fumbles with his robe and pulls out a scroll and grunts while looking at it. He skims through with a bony finger and nods his head with finality) Yep, you still have a lot of life left kid, live it.
ME: So uh, you won’t even tell me when I’m going to kick the bucket?
Death: (laughs and shakes his skeletal head) such a human term that is, ‘kick the bucket’. (He scoffs) You humans are hilarious. (He sits back on the chair) so ask all these questions that I know you are dying to ask (I think he winks, maybe I’m seeing things).
ME: You know I’m not a journa–
Death: I know, that is why I chose you. You’re…different.
ME: Okay, that answers that. So, urhm how are you even able to talk? I mean, you’re like dead. Nice looking skeleton, by the way, it looks very polished. But it’s really eerie, though.
Death: I have many forms that I may appear in, but this is my base form. Don’t I look beautiful?
ME: Er…..yes, yes of course you are, and I’m not just saying that because I don’t want to die.
Death: Great answer. And thank you… Oh and I’m speaking directly to your mind.
ME: So, uuuuh, Mr. Death, Sir-
Death: call me Grim, all my friends call me Grim.
ME: You have friends!? I said that out loud didn’t I?
Death: Well yes I have friends, well for example, (he looks around) aren’t you my friend Mable?
Death: See! I have friends. Don’t believe what they tell you.
ME: (hesitantly) sure
Death: (Claps his bony hands) Good! Don’t believe what they tell you.
ME: What who tells me? And do they say?
Death: Those people who spread lies about me. Like Zeus in all his puny might, I have friends and I am good to my friends.
ME: Oh…..Kay, moving on! Quick fire round.
Death: oh, goody (his face looks eerily gleeful and he claps his hands)
ME: Tell me what you think of the following issues that are very prevalent right now.
DEATH: This is so exciting!
ME: Sure, so uh, feminism
Death: Doesn’t matter, you’ll all be dead in a few years.
ME: OK, a bit ominous though, uh, Pro Life, Pro Choice?
Death: Doesn’t matter, you’ll all be dead in a few years
ME: Trump or Hillary?
Death: Trump or Hillary? Hard choice isn’t it? But it doesn’t matter, they’ll be dead in a few years. Like really few, can I tell you a secret? (I nod) They’re old.
ME: Child Marriages?
Death: those I detest.
ME: oh, now we’re getting somewhere. Domestic violence?
Death: it doesn’t matter, he or she will be dead in a few years…I like those.
ME: what does your scythe do? Is it for decorative purposes? To make you seem more nefarious and ominous than you already do?
Death: it does make me more ominous than usual. Doesn’t it?
ME: it takes you from one hundred percent to two hundred percent.
Death: Why thank you….but I can’t tell you what my scythe its kind of a secret…well that’s all I have time for I’ll see you.
ME: Hopefully never!
Death: yeah sure (he scoffs and he picks up his robes and disappears)