Having regrets about the past and thinking about what could have been is part of what being an adult means. Especially when it feels like things are not going right.
Interestingly enough, even when things are going right, as we have seen with several people, at some point or the other, they wonder to themselves: I wish I had done this differently.
When Mable told me to write something for her blog, I did not have something ready. Gone are the days when I always had some random sense or nonsense at the tip of my typing finger. So I thought I would just write about something I learnt about myself recently. In as few words as I am not used to.o.
I have always struggled in my life with questions regarding meaning. I feel I have been harsh to myself and harsh to my creator. As someone who is passionate about my creativity and storytelling more than anything else, whenever it does not work out, I ask myself, “If I’m not always good at what I do, why am I wasting my time with it?”
There are many motivational speakers who like to say that find what you are good at, what you love, and that is your purpose, your career. But I cannot help but doubt that every now and then.
Why did I not get a good reception towards my recent work? Why did no one like my article that I posted? Why is no one enjoying my film? Why are my jokes no longer funny? Why am I not earning from my creative endeavors? Does that mean that my purpose no longer exists?
I keep finding, every now and then, my answer to that is in the affirmative.
In the world of comedy they say, if you can’t be funny, then you are the joke. Jokes by their nature, are aberrations. Something unusual that you would not expect to hear; something informal and unserious, but containing a drop of truth that makes it relatable; something that you can only tolerate when the timing is right. Make a joke about a tragedy too early, and it is too soon. Too late, and it’s weak or overused. But in all cases, a joke is not normal. And if you are a joke, that means you are not normal.
The world of entertainment and even most industries require a certain degree of haste. Today, in my opinion, I find that the younger generation is more impatient than the generation before. Perhaps, it is the advent of social media that has created the pressures that make people unsatisfied with what they have. Whatever the case, if impatience meets slow progress or stagnation, the result is a generation that is considered the most mentally unhealthy.
And I am talking about myself here.
For as long as I can remember, I have not been a patient person. And this is even before social media became commonplace. This impatience has brought the best out of me, more often than not. I work at an optimized rate because my generator is powered by jet fuel. After all, the worms are caught by the early birds. But it can happen, that the birds become so obsessed over catching the first worm that they forget to be birds. They forget to appreciate the fact that they can fly.
What do we see when we see birds, we see their majesty as they take flight, not their panic to flee potential predators; we hear their sweet songs, not their desperate cries for any bird to mate and bond with them; we see them soar and glide, not thinking about how much little daytime they have to find morsels of sustenance in their world of survival of the fittest.
My impatience has boosted me but, in other facets of life, it has hurt me and cost me. Unfortunately, I find myself stuck in a conundrum where, as a perfectionist, I cannot afford to make mistakes, but yet, at a personal level, I tend to only learn through mistakes.
What other people trust from word of mouth, I prefer to doubt, experiment and prove on my own. I’m the kind that puts my head in the guillotine because I need to know by myself, why does the sign say not to put your head on the guillotine.
What is the point I am trying to drive forward? I have learnt that as a bird, I need to enjoy more, the process of being a bird, appreciate that I can fly at all, and all the endowments that I possess. I do not have many, but I need to be appreciative of them.
As a person who happens to be a jack of many trades, it was only through mistakes that I appreciated that indeed, you cannot grow a sizeable chicken by feeding it different varieties of feeds. It instead shrinks in size as its digestive system struggles with the changes. A lesson from chicken rearing; A thing that I have also done.
Patience is a virtue indeed. I wouldn’t mind locking the coiners of those two statements: ‘Patience is a virtue’ and ‘The early bird catches the worm’ in the same room, and only release them when they have a single proverb that encapsulates both. I’m sure one of you readers knows one. All I can think of at this point is, ‘The patient bird catches the virtuous worm’. Doesn’t make sense, I know, so drop the sensible one.
So the lesson that I learnt is to be patient and enjoy the learning process. Every achievement and mistake is a lesson. The game is to keep learning and trying to improve every day. It is a good thing for someone such as myself who is impatient, more focused on outcomes, than the journey.
Appreciate this rare phenomenon called life.
Enjoy the self-awareness of Homo Sapien life. There is a chance I might have existed two million years ago as Homo erectus and been less self aware, or two million years after now and been too robotic to appreciate the deadly sun rays of our home planet, Kepler B.
Much love.
Your Jack Of All Trades.
Writer, Filmmaker